Unexpected Life Milestone

If you had asked me a few months ago to create a list of important life milestones that have either already passed or that are still to come, that list likely wouldn't look all that different had you asked me to do the same task ten, fifteen, or even twenty years ago: graduate high school, graduate college, move into own apartment/home, get married, have some kids, get a job, get a better job, retire, watch kids go through all those same events, grandchildren.

However, as is common for the younger generations, I've forgotten to look back at how my parent's life still affects mine. Very soon my parents will retire (for good, hopefully). My dad retired from the military a while ago, but all that meant was he stopped working for the military and started working for the post office. This retirement, however, is real, and both parents are doing it. This milestone affects me in two ways.

The first is the more obvious physical changes. I'm excited to see them more often. I'm excited for Berkeley, especially, to see them more. In addition, it makes me happy to think about them enjoying the freedom that comes with leaving 8-plus hour work days behind.

The second thing was unexpected. I've spent my adult life feeling incredibly child-like. Checking off all those milestones on my list--surprisingly, even having a child--didn't change the fact that I still fail to feel grown up. I feel an imposter in the adult word. I'm sure it's not a unique feeling; I imagine many of my friends feel the same way. I do wonder if it's a generational thing, I've never heard anyone my parent's age or older admit to these types of feelings. Whether or not it is common, I still feel out of place when mingling with people my own age. I feel like I have more in common with the kids at Berkeley's preschool than the adults, some of who are probably even younger than I am. They seem like real grown up people. It's like being a member of an audience who inexplicably finds himself on the stage mingling with the actors.

And now my parents are retiring and suddenly I realize I'm 34 years old, my body is already on the decline, I have a child in preschool, I've been married for ten years, my parents are RETIRED, and we're all one step closer to the inevitable end. What does it feel like? It's weighty. I don't know how else to explain it. And yet, not much has really changed here. The sun still sets in the west. I still get up and do the same job. Berkeley is a day older. Robyn is as pretty as ever. And I might blow the entire underpinnings of the post by logging onto World of Warcraft after I hit "Publish." But dammit, today I feel like an adult.

Enjoy your retirement, mom and dad!